The Lessons of History


Dr. FRIEDMAN: It's pessimistic on the one hand, but on the other hand, you know, when you have parents who have done their best, and you can't really find that they've done anything terrible to account for the outcome in a kid, it's I think it's helpful for them to understand that it's not necessarily their fault if they see that their kid has all kinds of problems. JILL (Caller): Yeah, hi. I'm a 17-year-old girl, the youngest of four children in my family. CONAN: Even their adult kids, grown up, yeah. It may seem hard to believe, but your tot isn't trying to be bad. He's married to one of them now - you might be surprised which. I mean, these characteristics are - have huge genetic components to them. Dr. FRIEDMAN: Well, there's plenty of genetic evidence that certain normal, you know, personality characteristics are inherited or that there's a large, you know, percent that you can explain on the basis of genetics but not all of it. And stubbornness is something that Meg was mentioning, you know, and hotheadedness. And when that parent doesn't know how to deal with that, then it's like, well, they're a bad kid, and, you know, Mr. Friedman, you know, he's talking to people that I'm sure that the love is there and that they care, and I'm sure that they are really at their skill set's end, but at the end of the day, they're not doing what's right, and they need to get some new skill sets. So I think, you know, a lot of times, you know, things happen and that, I mean, for me, somehow I managed to crawl out I mean, I'm a perfectly well-mannered person, member of society, and I've got friends who think I'm just the sweetest, you know, that think I'm a very sweet person. Dr. FRIEDMAN: Right. Copyright 2020 Leaf Group Ltd. / Leaf Group Media, All Rights Reserved. But thanks very much for the call. Because, often, parents who are doing co-parenting 50-50 end up arguing about the kids a lot, and 40 percent of the arguments are about the kids themselves. Into astrology? Call and tell us your story, 800-989-8255. He joins us in a moment. The Def Leppard frontman talks about their "lamentable" hit he never thought of as a single, and why he's juiced by his Mott The Hoople cover band. I worried when he was five whether he was empathetic and he was very introverted and all those things. And the idea that there's nothing we can do - there's always new things being looked at, even - even looking at shyness. Your purchase helps support NPR programming. CONAN: And one of the cases you describe is parents who came to you, and they are having terrible problems with their teenage son, and you they'd gone to any number of lengths to try to treat this. Bad parenting, not only is this quite subjective, it's an ambiguous term that ought to be clarified for the public. He's not an evil person, but my parents were not at fault. CONAN: Let's get another caller in on the conversation. When kids act out, it's often the parents who get the blame. I will never scheme in the future because it is a bad thing to do. It's hard for people to accept. Dr. FRIEDMAN: Right. Read on to minimize misbehavior with effective discipline strategies. Dr. FRIEDMAN: Yes. Or if they did, they didn't what I they didn't have the reaction I wanted them to. Let's see if we can go to the next caller, and we'll go to Jill(ph), Jill with us from West Bloomfield in Michigan. And if there's one thing out of the science of discipline is that inconsistency is not good for kids and does cause aggressive behavior down the road. Sometimes bad kids, the bullies, the thieves, the meanies, just happen. All children exhibit bad behavior from time to time due to the stresses of daily life. © 2020 Everyday Health, Inc. Of course, there are many bad parents too. They spend - you know, for every eight arguments they have, and they have something like they spend - 10 minutes of every hour together they spend arguing, on average, from the ages of sort of 10 and under. What is a bad parent? That's just the way he is. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record. I mean, obviously, it's not just the family. Dr. FRIEDMAN: By treating their parents. Bad behavior in children always comes with an explanation (and no, your tot is not the devil in disguise). Mr. BRONSON: Right, but there is science that says what, as parents now, where are we to put our emphasis on making that better? Temper Tantrums in Toddlers: How to Keep the Peace, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. It can't be easy to raise kids. Anyone with kids knows that every one is different. CONAN: And obviously, when you're talking about Rob's(ph) situation, when you get substance abuse involved, it certainly changes the equation. Who's to blame? A bad best friend can make a good child bad. ROB: Well, one's still trying to drink himself to death, you know, and the other one is sort of in a similar situation. Lily The Bad Child I understand it Eli from Sweden This song is so Amazing, it's a 9/10 (my favourite singer is Billie Eilish but Tones And I is so frikkin' good too) Alaina from Pine Rivers High Shool this song will change the world and tones and I are the best because they tell … Were you once a bad kid? You can also join the conversation on our website. You can see people, you know, who are remarkably resilient and have lived in, you know, abusive, really hideously bad environments with terrible families who come out fine. And there are things that people do have that cannot be shaped or changed by even the best or worst environment. CONAN: This is TALK OF THE NATION. Some may be more creative, others more coordinated. Po Bronson, coauthor of "NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children," with us from KQED in San Francisco. If a child is treated with indifference at home, then it is quite likely he will display similar emotion at school and elsewhere. Maybe this child was just going to be a difficult child, you know? And I know that's one of the things you've written about, Po. toward the end of the video for "Nothing Compares 2 U." She has been published in various special interest publications, both in print and online, in the United States, Canada, Australia, and the U.K. since 1989. So there's been a lot of reaction to it. But on the other hand, there are plenty of good parents or good enough parents who have very, very difficult children, whose problems they're not entirely responsible for nor can they be. I'm privy to some data out of Canada on some pilot students, some new work being done this year that is working with three and four-year-olds to help relieve them of their enduring panic, shyness and social anxiety, helping their prefrontal cortex control that amygdale reaction. Dr. FRIEDMAN: Right. Meaning is more important than the name itself imho, I chose the names I chose because of what they meant. I mean, even insofar as, you know, helping kids to develop, you know, a capacity for empathy, you know, something that everybody believed was, you know, inalterable, it's hard-wired, you're either nice and have empathy, or you don't. hide caption, Psychiatrist Richard Friedman found some kids are just "bad seeds.". And we have a tendency to label things as bad too quickly. Dr. FRIEDMAN: Yes. There's sometimes physical things, property damage, things like that. One person, you know, may thank you so much. In it, he writes about some of the myths parents may have about their influence on children, especially when there is bad behavior. Released on March 12, 2020 as a double A-side single alongside ", Does Jimmy Page Worship The Devil? The man who created Yacht Rock with "Sailing" wrote one of his biggest hits while on acid.

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